OF THE HEAD / OF THE HEART
Death Of A friend
(Victoria)
Dana did very well at Pendalton College, quickly adjusting to campus life. She met
people from all walks of life. Their backgrounds were as diverse as the places they came
from. She even met a couple of African princes who were a part of the exchange student
program.
Dana and her roommate, Victoria Carlton, who was also from a small town, were very
popular. They clicked the first day they met and became best friends. They were known
around campus as 'the Bobsie Twins.' One was light, the other dark. Victoria was very
pale. She was whiter than most white people. Dana used to tease her about needing a
suntan. Dana's skin was a smooth, rich mahogany. They sometimes dressed alike, too.
Outside of class, where you saw one, you usually saw the other. That was their own little
protection guise to look out for each other. They even pledged the same sorority. Alpha
Kappa Alpha. AKA all the way.
Dana's freshman and sophomore years flew by, it seemed. Her junior year was the turning
point in her well laid out plans. It started out like any other year. Registration, class
schedules, moving to a new dormitory. Dana and Victoria were just getting settled into their
routine when the phone call came. Dana had to come home immediately. She can't
remember exactly what the call was about now. All she recollects is the role it played in the
events that followed.
Riding along, staring out at the passing countryside as the bus made its way mile after mile,
Dana had an uneasy feeling. It wasn't anything particular she could put her finger on but
she felt as if she should never have left school. She felt such an overwhelming urgency to
get back. Once the situation at home was resolved, whatever it was, Dana boarded the bus
for her return trip.
Dana was not prepared for the crisis facing her once she stepped back into her campus life.
Apprehension hit her as soon as she entered the dorm room. Victoria wasn't there. She
checked with the other girls on the floor. No one had seen Victoria since the party the night
before. From what she gathered, the guys gave a party off campus. Victoria went along
with the other girls. Jean and Sarah said they saw Victoria talking with a guy everyone
around campus called 'Terror.' He was supposed to be Pendalton's version of 'Superfly'
and 'Shaft' all rolled up into one. Dana had heard of him but never met him. The one thing
that made her even remember his name or his existence at all was the fact that someone
said he had a tattoo of a rose on the back of each hand with the word 'MOM' embossed
through them. She thought that was really sweet, yet, strange for someone called Terror.
After that, there were only questions with no definite answers. Victoria was gone. Dana was
frantic. She called everybody she and Victoria knew. No one had seen her since the party.
Perhaps, Victoria had gone home to visit her parents. Why not? Dana had gone and left
her all lone.
"That's it," Dana thought, excitedly. "I'll call Mrs. Carlton and check on her."
To her disappointment, Mr. and Mrs. Carlton hadn't heard from Victoria. Dana really began
to worry then. She went to the dorm mother and expressed her concern. Dana and Victoria
hadn't spent more than two or three days apart since they'd started school without touching
base with each other, even when they went home on holidays and breaks. They had a pact
to always look out for each other.
"Out of sight does not necessarily mean out of mind," she often teased Victoria. "You pick
up that phone and call me if you're going to be late. Don't let me have to call out the posse
to look for you. I do believe you'd run wild if I weren't around to pull your reigns and keep
you in check."
Dana would tease but, truth be told, Victoria did have a wild, down side to her. Dana
recognized that the very first day they met. Some of the other girls in the dorm were a little
wary of her. Once you got to know her, though, she was okay. Victoria didn't open up and
interact with people as easily as she did with Dana. Dana always felt Victoria was keeping
something locked away inside. So what? Who didn't have a few skeletons in the closet
hidden away from the eyes of the world? She just figured Victoria was running away from
something just like she was. Dana chose not to pry or ask any embarrassing questions.
Looking back, she wished she had asked.
Dana stayed near the phone the rest of the day and all that night, leaving only to go to the
bathroom. The other girls brought her breakfast the next morning but she didn't feel like
eating anything. Her stomach was tied up in knots.
The phone rang. Dana snatched up the receiver before the first ring had hardly begun. It
was Victoria's dad.
"No, Mr. Carlton, I haven't heard anything. She's never gone off like this before without
calling me. But, I'm sure she's okay."
Dana tried to keep her voice calm. She didn't want to alarm Mr. Carlton unnecessarily.
There had to be a good reason for Victoria's absence.
"I'll have her call you as soon as I hear from her, right after I march her down to the
principal's office," she joked, trying to keep the conversation light.
After hanging up the phone, Dana commanded the tears forming behind her tired, red eyes
not to fall. An overwhelming feeling of dread weighed heavily on her. Something was wrong
with her roommate. She could sense it down to the very core of her being. Picking up the
house phone, she called campus security.
Dana managed to explain the situation to the security guard without getting too hysterical.
He was trying her patience. He suggested that Victoria was probably with friends or her
boyfriend and would show up at any moment. Victoria didn't have a boyfriend. She and
Jeremy had broken up three months ago. Jeremy left school and joined the navy. Still, the
security guard insisted they give it some time. Something about a waiting period for filing a
missing person's report. Dana was devastated. She felt helpless. She also felt like telling
the security guard what he could do with his waiting period. Instead, she tried to get a grip
on her emotions. What good would being flippant and smart do? The guard was only doing
his job. There probably was a certain protocol he had to follow in cases like this. Instead,
she gave him Victoria's description and asked if he'd keep an eye out for her on his rounds.
He agreed. She shook his hand and thanked him.
Dana felt drained after her ordeal with campus security. She asked the other girls to listen
out for the phone. After a quick shower, she went to her room exhausted. The shower
refreshed her a little but her head was pounding. Dana took a couple of Excedrin tablets
and massaged her temples. With the TV set on mute, she turned her small clock/radio up
just enough to break the silence. She and Victoria often did that while they studied. Her
favorite DJ, Maestro P, was on the air. The jazzy sounds of George Benson's 'Masquerade'
filled the room as she closed her eyes.
When Dana woke up, the room was in twilight. The glow from the TV set cast eerie shadows
on the wall. She looked at the clock/radio on her desk. Twenty minutes after midnight.
"My God," she thought to herself, "I must have really been exhausted."
She heard Maestro P's voice breaking the quietness as he announced a request for a
repeat of George Benson's 'Masquerade.' It was a sad song but Dana loved it. The
Maestro often did special things for his listeners on his overnight shows. That's what made
him so popular around campus. Somehow, though, Dana felt like this was an omen or
something. Lying down and getting up on the same song. It was weird. As if time stood
still. Shrugging the feeling, she got up and went down the hall to the bathroom.
On the way back to her room, Dana heard a siren. That wasn't unusual. Pendalton College
was located in the midst of three medical facilities. Sirens were always racing by. She
continued on down the hall. The siren grew louder. Suddenly it stopped. Dana entered
her room and went to the window. Red and blue lights were flashing across campus near
the language arts building. Dana stood still, frozen to the spot.
"Victoria."
The name escaped her lips in a faint whisper. Something touched deep within her soul as
the crimson and royal colors riveted across her face from the distance. Victoria was an
English major. She spent a lot of time in the language arts building with Mr. Haynes, her
English advisor. Mr. Haynes wrote freelance articles for the local black newspaper. Victoria
had dreams of being a journalist.
Dana can't remember how long she stood staring out of the window. Time seemed infinite.
Then, she began to move mechanically. She put on her jeans and grabbed her jacket from
Victoria's closet. Dana stood still again, staring down at the jacket in her hand. Victoria
loved her red, black and green jacket. Said it made her feel her blackness. Dana always
smiled when she made that statement. Victoria was forever trying to prove her blackness.
Dana often wondered about Victoria's secrets. What must it have been like for her growing
up in a black world with a white face? Not being accepted by her black sisters and brothers
and shunned by her white heritage. Torn between two worlds, yet, not belonging to either.
Even a few of the girls at Pendalton College gave her curious looks. Dana clutched the
jacket to her breast. She could still smell Victoria's scent. Tears started to form again but
she dared them to fall. She had to check out what was happening over at the language arts
building.
Outside in the crisp, night air, Dana threw the jacket around her shoulders and headed in
the direction of the lights. An unsettling quietness had replaced the siren's shrill. It was
after midnight, she was alone, and there was a slight chill touching her face as she made
her way across the campus. Every step she took brought her closer to the culmination of
events that would affect her life forever. Only, she didn't know it at the time.
Dana rounded the corner of the building just as the emergency technicians were bringing
the gurney out of the back door. A still figure lay covered with a white cloth. The gurney
got caught on the last step. The EMT's lifted it higher to free the wheel. As they did so, an
arm fell from under the covering. Dana was petrified. She recognized the red, black and
green beaded bracelet on the white arm and the matching ring on the third finger. They
were hers. Victoria always raided Dana's jewelry box to borrow those two pieces.
Somewhere in this crazy nightmare, Victoria was still trying to prove her blackness.
Dana's soul was screaming inside but she couldn't make a sound. She just stood there with
a horrified look on her face. The security guard she had talked to earlier looked up and
saw her. He made his way through the crowd towards her. Dana hadn't noticed much of
her surroundings. Quite a gathering had accumulated. The president, Dr. Miller, was there,
along with the dean of students, the dorm mother, and many other faces that seemed to
blend together. All Dana clearly saw was the white arm with her red, black and green
bracelet and ring.
The guard made it to her side and touched her on the shoulder. He tried to lead her away
from the scene but Dana was rooted to the spot. She couldn't take her eyes off of the
bracelet and ring. The guard left her side and went over to the EMT, whispering something
in his ear. The technician looked over at her with sadness in his eyes. He carefully placed
the arm back under the cover. It didn't matter. Dana could still see that white arm with her
red, black and green bracelet and ring. That picture would stay embedded in her mind for a
long time.
As the gurney was being put into the back of the ambulance, Dana felt as if a part of her
was being locked away behind those doors. The chill she had felt in the air earlier suddenly
felt like a heat wave washing over her. Her head started spinning. Her body felt light as a
feather. Dana closed her eyes and let the blackness cover her. The security guard looked
over at Dana again. Somehow, he sensed what was happening to her. He dashed through
the crowd just as she started to collapse. He caught her in his arms and carried her over to
a study table under the big oak tree, away from the crowd.
The AKA's had placed several ivy leaf shaped tables and benches around campus for the
students to use while studying during pleasant weather. Dana had spent many pleasant
afternoons at this very same table while she waited for Victoria. They often studied there,
too. This particular one was their favorite because it was located between the science
building and the language arts building. Dana was a science major. They would
rendezvous here between classes and after classes. When this whole ordeal was over,
Dana would look back and think how ironic it was the security guard chose that particular
table to carry her to. There was another one right behind the building that was much closer.
Dana felt a stinging rush up her nose and to the top of her head. She struggled to sit up
straight, wondering what the hell was going on. A firm hand supported her in the middle of
her back. The technician with the sad eyes stood in front of her holding a small vial. It took
a few seconds for her to orientate herself and focus on her surroundings. The technician
spoke to the security guard, who was supporting her.
"She'll be okay, now. Just have someone watch her for a couple of hours. This has been a
great shock to her. She needs time to adjust and accept it. If there's any problem, bring
her in to the emergency room."
He smiled down at Dana with those sad eyes, touched her gently on the shoulder and
walked back over to his partner.
Dana sat long after the ambulance had driven away with the body of her best friend. She
couldn't find the strength to move. The crowd slowly drifted away, leaving her in her misery.
Several of her friends stopped to see if there was anything they could do or if she wanted
them to stay with her. She quietly thanked them for their offers but assured them she'd be
okay. She wished she believed that herself. Right now, she wasn't sure of anything. Dana
was used to living her life with her best face on the outside. This would prove to be one of
her biggest challenges to date. Her world had taken a severe blow. Would she be strong
enough to survive it? That was the question.
Dana sat still and rigid as the events of the night cascaded through her mind again and
again. The security guard left her side for a moment and walked over to say something to a
tall man dressed in a very nice suit. A gold shield was clipped to his breast pocket. Dana
remembers thinking he must be the investigator in charge. A brother. She was impressed.
It's funny how certain things register in your head during a crisis. She thought, perhaps, her
mind was providing trivial distractions to help her cope with this tragedy.
The detective had a kind, sympathetic expression on his face. Dana remembers thinking he
had one of the kindest faces she had ever seen. He and the guard walked over to where
she was sitting under the oak tree. He extended his hand, introducing himself as Lieutenant
Jonathan Brooks. He expressed his condolences. She could hear the sincerity in his voice.
Apparently, the guard had scooped him on Dana's relationship with Victoria. The
Lieutenant said he would contact Victoria's parents as soon as possible. He had talked to a
few of the students who were present at the party. He also needed to talk to her, but that
could wait until tomorrow. According to the detective, Victoria's death was being considered
a possible suicide. They found a note addressed to Dana and Victoria's parents. An officer
would contact her for the follow-up report the next day.
Dana stood up then, mumbled a weak 'thank you' and shook Lt. Brooks' extended hand.
The word 'suicide' echoed in her ear as she turned to walk away. The security guard
caught up to Dana and walked beside her. He didn't say a word. Dana didn't want to go
back to the dormitory, just yet, to sit alone in that empty room filled with all the memories.
She didn't want to face the other girls, either, asking questions she didn't have answers to.
Instead, the two of them walked in silence into the early morning hours. Dana welcomed the
dewy, cool breeze on her face.
James Dawson, as it said on his nametag, was lost in a few thoughts of his own. He
discovered the body on his midnight check inside the building. He was devastated. He
knew immediately who the girl was from the description Dana had given him earlier. He
alerted the proper authorities, his supervisor, and now watched helplessly as Dana's world
crumbled.
When Dana finally got up enough courage to go back to her room, she was exhausted. Her
mind, body and spirit were thoroughly drained. The TV and radio were still on. The familiar
voice of Maestro P announced a special request. Kicking off her shoes, Dana turned off the
TV set and sat down on the edge of her bed. The room was in total darkness except for the
illuminated face of the small clock/radio on her desk. Dana leaned forward cradling her
head in her hands as the soft melody of the theme song from 'Coolie High' filled the room.
'How do I say goodbye to what we had? The good times that made us laugh outweigh the
bad. I thought we'd get to see forever but forever's gone away. It's so hard to say goodbye
to yesterday.'
The weight of the tragedy finally crashed in on Dana. The tears came in a quiet, flowing
river that didn't subside for hours.
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